Wedding Etiquette Has Gone to Pot
Some may say I am old-fashioned when it comes to etiquette, especially given my age. I don't wear white or off-white below the waist between between Labor and Memorial Days. I write thank-you notes. I dress to the occasion, based on the time of day and style of invitation. I was raised in a family that puts value on propriety, and I was "finished", if you will, in a sorority that held weekly etiquette dinners. I know which fork to lay out when I'm hosting a dinner, and I know where to put the napkin when I'm leaving the table. Some people think I'm silly and antiquated. I think I'm doing the right thing to show gratitude toward and not be rude to people. Apparently I'm one of the few.I have been to a few weddings this summer, and I am SHOCKED at how rude people can be. I'm talking both about those attending the wedding and those hosting. Here's a list of stupid things that people have done:
1. I've been to two weddings and seen a person or two in jeans. Trust me, you're not getting into my wedding dressed like that. It's disrespectful to the amount of care, time and effort the couple and their parents put into the event. Not to mention the fact that one was an evening wedding, which apparently doesn't mean dressy anymore.
2. I've been to two weddings in the last two years and received no thank-you note for the gifts I've given. I was asked to perform in a wedding and was not invited to the rehearsal dinner, nor did I receive a thank-you note for my effort. That's the last gift those people will be getting from me.
3. I recently received a wedding invitation that asked for donations to the honeymoon. Okay, first of all, you should never, ever, ever mention gifts on an invitation. You are asking the invitee to celebrate with you, not demanding presents. Gifts are optional, people; you should never expect one. If you are inviting people simply to get presents from them, then you are an asshole. Secondly, it is never acceptable to ask for money as a gift. The gifts you receive are not to finance your honeymoon, they are to help you fill your home with the things you need/want. That wedding invitation tempts me not to give anything at all because I am so shocked by it's extreme rudeness.
4. I've been invited to a shower that was hosted by the sister of the bride. When did it become okay for family to host a shower? I can remember being taught that family should NEVER host the shower, because again it's asking for gifts. The shower should always be hosted by non-family members, like close friends, bridesmaids, or co-workers.
I'm sure there are more rude things to come as people begin to become careless about offending their guests. I bet in 20 years I'll get something in the mail that says, "This is to announce the wedding of So-and-So. They cannot afford to throw a wedding, so please send your gift to blah blah blah."
posted by Jen @ 8/09/2005 08:45:00 AM
3 Comments:
I would definitely NOT send anything--that's pretty outrageous to ask for contributions for the honeymoon.
My mom always made us write our thank-you notes before playing with a gift we received for a birthday or Christmas. We could either turn in a thank you note to get each gift, or we could do them all at once right after opening the gifts and immediately receive them all, which is what I preferred to do. I plan on doing this if I ever have kids, because I am a real stickler about thank-you notes, even today.
I am always shocked at not receiving a thank-you card, especially when I send gifts for out-of-town weddings well before the event. If I send a gift two months early, why couldn't they send a thank-you note right away? You'd think they'd want to get it done before leaving town. . .
I appreciate the wedding ettiquette rant.
The amount of weddings I have attended this summer have officially turned me off, of the whole thing.
Stupid wedding season.
The problem is that she's a really, really, really good friend...
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