Crying Like A Girl
Why can't women argue with their loved ones without crying?
I thought for a while that it was just me. On the rare occasion I fight with Shan, I end up a teary mess, and get so flustered from tears that I don't even make sense anymore. I had a fight with my dad once when I was 19, and the same thing happened. And, every other boyfriend I've ever had, it's the same story. If I'd ever had a fight with a friend, I imagine there would have been tears involved. I was sitting in my office yesterday and happened to overhear a coworker arguing with who I can only assume to be her husband. It was one of those quiet work arguments, where you don't want anyone around you to hear, so there is no yelling involved. There are only strained tones of voices and whisper yelling. Anyway, like me, she began to lose it toward the end of the conversation. She was doing that thing girls do where they are trying to pretend like they're not crying, but just end up choking up while they talk. Her husband, like boyfriends I've known, was getting angry with her for crying. I heard her try to tell him that she wasn't crying. This made me think. Why don't husbands and boyfriends just accept the fact that women cry? I've had a boyfriend who would get mad at me for crying, like my coworker's husband did. Mad because I'm crying? What kind of sense does that make? It's not like crying is voluntary. It just happens. Getting mad at your wife or girlfriend for crying is like getting mad at someone for saying, "Ouch!" when they've been hurt. Besides, every girl does it. Get used to it. It's a fact of life. Fight with your girlfriend or wife, and she will cry. I think that women cry during arguments for a very good reason: release. Men get angry and punch walls. Women cry. It's the same emotion, but it's being expressed in a different way. Just like guys get mad and release their feelings with aggression, doing it before they can think about it, women get mad and release by crying. Really, it's a very constructive thing. If I cry during a fight, I feel much more closure after the fight because I'm not penning up my feelings. I'm a lot less likely to retain anger and harbor resentment. Men should encourage their women to cry during arguments; or, at the very least, they should not exacerbate the situation by getting mad about it.
posted by Jen @ 12/20/2005 06:34:00 AM
2 Comments:
I think they get angry because they just don't know how to deal with it. Most men's response to conflict is to try and solve it, and crying doesn't fit into that equation. I know that my husband will do anything to get me to stop crying. He has the most success with gifts.
It's been explained to me that the reason men get mad is because they think that it is manipulative. I can see where they get the idea, because it is true that tears stop some men from fighting and put them right into "Aw, please honey, stop crying!" mode.
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